For Things Which May Come

I don't know when it started and how but some day I decided I will make my own decisions about my life and shoot down others' opinions about my choices no matter how shaky, undecided and scared I felt at the moment. I have a habit of keeping things close to the chest. I have a habit of withholding secrets or parts of stories and dreams because in my heart and mind they will never ever be understood by another. You know in your mind you have this half-formed image that you can never translate into words? So, I let the images be. I would love to fall back on someone and rest for a while but 22 years have taught me I need myself to do even a stupid koi fish sketch in a biology lab book to be satisfied with it, even if I am pressed for time. Every change of heart, every change of decision is my own and it is affected by more (or lack of) knowledge of the situation, more (or lack of) understanding of what really is and what is possible to be.
Weeks of running around in the insane 43°C (and up) scorching, humid heat has finally come to an end for this month at least. I can tell you now (perhaps without the fear of jinxing it) that I start my Post Graduate classes of Film Studies from July! I came in 4th in the admission test and hopefully my UG final semester's exam results would be fine (keeping the fingers crossed for things have a habit of going wrong for me). And I am also ready to put it in my blog that I now own a Nikon D5100. I got it a few days back and I am learning to use it properly. Somethings are special to you irrespective of the fact that it is something material. I don't attach any feelings with material things, I have learnt very early in life that anything can be taken away just like that and it hurts and that pain is pointless. But you know what somethings also become milestones in your life. These two things are just that for me. And that's why I am so very afraid. The roads will take me somewhere from here and I am ready for the ride. But for now all I want to do is curl up and rest so that I'm feeling fresh when it all starts. I am just one of those people who hates physical labour because it makes me feel so inadequate!
Here are some pictures I took when I took the camera for a test drive...I'm learning, don't judge..

I told you my mum has beautiful flowers and these are just a couple of shots of them..the light went away pretty soon as it got cloudy but didn't rain till the next morning. 80% humidity means no respite!

Just Breathe till next time and we will get through...