Living In A Trance

We live in terror that if we ever show our true self, even to the one who has breathed into our skin and left traces in our bloodstream, we would automatically be deemed unloveable. This quote by Marilyn Monroe is so famous- "...if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Sure we would love to practice it for real. But, in truth we refuse to ask for what we think we deserve because we are so terrified of being left all alone. Most days you pretend you are good with it all, your brain dictates you to be more pragmatic. But, certain days when you are already feeling low, you just turn into mush and slowly dissolve into the nothingness deep inside of your hollow heart. Every bit of defensive behaviour is just a way to protect our hearts from being broken again and again. You say things to break off ties, before they can. Decades long friendships come to end, lovers leave, parents die, cousins get too busy- you stood alone to look at the moon even when they were around anyway. You never saw the same things and felt the same things about them anyway.

Tend your bruises in silence, tend them alone. No one else has a magical salve to soothe your burns. We are not faces, we are not bodies; we are just trembling fingers and toes trying to make sense of everything. We are all living inside our own heads, where we are the perpetual victims. Do we ever come out of that trance?

of fires that burn through you

of deliberately unclean shoes

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The Concept Of Hierarchies

pretending to be a Lollywood Hippie

Or as I call it - the battle of the old vs new media platforms.

I am aware of hierarchies. I know they exist in the mind. I also believe they are stupid.

Context - I went for an interview with one of the most hated media houses in Calcutta to please my mother. I was told to let them know, if after the life lesson disguised as an interview, I wanted a different role than the one I had applied for. It astounded me somewhat the arrogance with which he declared this being pretty much the only competent media house in Calcutta, something he rectified soon even though grudgingly. Take your guesses.

We all know about the privilege enjoyed by the old, white, male ones in our society. It is not simply about the colour of ones skin or gender. The old male is generally considered wise. His advice, his decisions are of prime importance. Some people who tend to be working in certain print (news) publishings tend to believe theirs is the most worthy, the only one which matters. To this individual, who is quick to dismiss the "Buzzfeed generation", even blogging seems like a joke. (If it were so, then bloggers would not be getting murdered around the world right now. Just a pointer.). Only certain things - positions, types of work, life choices, etc. are meaningful to them. The attitude is - "I would not have done that."

So, when you encounter such an individual, who is bored out of his wits at an interview session, what should you do?

Well as for me, I listened, albeit skeptically as he gave me life advice to get over my "existential dilemma". He told me if I wanted a career I couldn't expect a cushy life. I have to struggle. I have to make sacrifices. He defended himself by saying he was a good son who visited his old, ailing parents every weekend; the very ones who were supportive of his career ambitions to be chased in a different city. Even a slightly touchy (petty?) comment at the end, "I had my doubts before coming in for this interview," fell on an ear that wasn't really listening. That generation loved telling the young ones how to do things, they never were experts on really listening.

For a while it seemed like pearls of wisdom scattered towards a young newbie in the media industry. And I felt a sense of gratitude towards him at the end of this session. But, as the days rolled past, I couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't really told anything I didn't already know, that I wasn't already mulling over in my head for days. Maybe hearing it from another helped fortify my resolve to stick to Delhi, even though it keeps kicking me in the balls every so often. But, had it been me giving that same advice to someone else, would it still have the same value that it did coming from him? Would he have shared such a private story about his early days, his parents in the very first meeting with a total stranger if he were a she? Would I have been less skeptical about getting lectured if he were a she?

I do not know.

As someone who has been bullshitted by older, 'wiser' men all my life (do I need to add #notallmen here so as to not hurt any egos?), I have a natural tendency to have more faith in the old, 'wise' woman's words. She after all understands the will to fight the traditional, the patriarchal, she understands responsibility in a way a man does not (even now in Indian society). I believe she will wink at me and tell me how to do it like a woman. 'How to conquer the world like a woman' - naani edition. He looked at me like I was a directionless child. But, I am 25; I am a grown woman. Would he have looked down on me the same way if he were a she? And would he have added at the end of his long and elaborate lecture that, "after all women have different pressures from society which I wont (don't) understand," would he...if he were a she?

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Begin Again

Gurgaon Autowala

No. Enough is enough. I will just shut up and start writing again! I have been feeling miserable about not being able to write about things that matter to me. I have been (what seems to me) shouting hoarse about loving writing opinion pieces about fashion and gender politics. But, what have I done the past few weeks? Just cribbed and moaned that "I don't get a good WiFi connection", "I need to do more fashion posts or no one will be interested", " I don't have any good images." I am just shutting up and letting things happen. Because the value of having a platform to speak out is immense. And I have that platform. I have poured 5 years of my life and opinions into this blog and how dare I let it go to waste! Enough is enough. I will stop making excuses. I will write about everything I have thought I should write about and then didn't these past few weeks. Forgive me, my words, for letting you get trapped like this.

Let's begin again.

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Period Saga: Taboos We Break When We Bleed

I am a feminist. I have been one my whole life. So, one day I thought why don't I write for a feminist portal (I was already freelancing as a writer full time at this point)? And then I decided to act upon said thought. A few month's back I had pitched this idea to a feminist magazine. They had loved the idea, and I had gone ahead to get the whole photo-essay together within 2-3 days. They really loved it. But, for whatever internal issue the story never landed up on their website. No worries. I had decided even when I started working on the essay, that if it isn't picked up I will not let it go to waste. I had my own blog after all, my own platform. As, most of you know, my shift to Delhi has been full of misadventures. In short, Delhi has not been very kind to me so far. I have been rendered (briefly) homeless, penniless, with all government sanctioned identity proofs stolen. Anyhow, I finally found some time, and clarity of mind to finally blog this photo-essay I had worked hard on. I was very happy with the outcome. Especially because of the amazing responses I got from my friends. 

Read on to see what my awesome friends had to say about breaking period taboos.

_________________________________________________________________________________ 

We have often wondered if breaking a period taboo actually started a calamity somewhere. Instagram recently drew such a huge backlash that they had to reinstate the photo of artist, Rupi Kaur, who posted a self-portrait of her bleeding during her period. Some have hailed her as a hero, while a few have mentioned that seeing period blood stains are equivalent to and as disgusting as seeing human excrement. Facebook and Instagram (which is owned by Facebook incidentally) have proven time and again that sexist posts are protected under their dubious guidelines as personal opinions, whereas women sharing candid photos of their natural bodies and bodily functions are the actual offenders. Our question is simple – why should a few drops of blood cause so much repulsion? We decided to speak to a few women who have grown up listening to ridiculous period taboos and asked them how they break those taboos when they bleed.

Soumi Paul

I have seen many girls frantically trying to get rid of the red stains on their clothes. But, I have never given it more importance than a mud stain or been ashamed of standing in the metro without trying to cover the stains strategically. During a cultural fest, I had to wear a burlap sack styled into a bandage dress as per the theme. I started chumming and the fact that I was wearing a sanitary napkin underneath was very obvious so, my friends asked me to take it off. Wearing a pad to ensure hygiene is again something I am proud of. I walked the ramp with a slight bulge between my legs despite the attention it drew.

Anupriya Dutta Gupta Sen

We have been brought up on a staple diet of 33 crore Gods & Goddesses from whom we are supposed to stay away on those 5 days of the month. I have always wondered that how come He, who created our body and all the workings in it, be offended by something that is His doing? This particular process of a woman's body is related to her reproductive system and something that is part of the formation of a new life can never be considered a sin, right? In my monotheist mind, God welcomes us in His abode irrespective of whether we are oozing blood or not. I never shy away from going to Him even during those 5 days.

Tanaya Das

As a teenager I was always told women on their periods should not enter temples. Assuming that God exists, how could She be okay with this nonsense? I say She because obviously God is a Woman of Colour, there is no shame talking about our periods and no need to hide that we buy sanitary napkins. So, one day I just decided to go to a temple and I swear Durga Ma in her beautiful saree gleefully winked at me and gave me a discreet thumbs up before schooling her expression for her other devotees.

Sayantani Saha

Growing up, I was taught not to talk about periods to the male species. My cramps were mistaken for all kinds of illnesses. I wanted to scream that I was not ill and shut them up. I did shut them up when I finally grew a brain. I bleed every month like half the population does and I am not ashamed of it. It is a normal bodily function which only signifies that I have a healthy body. Why hush up about it? So, I stopped making excuses and started talking about it. After all, it is only blood and some other tissues! The funny part is the incredulous look on the people's faces when you mention the P-word openly.

Rashmirekha Basu

Durga pujo is the one time in the year when we have to abide by certain traditional norms regardless of our individual convictions. It involves waking up at ungodly hours on Astami to offer anjali to the goddess. When I start my period during that time, I am not allowed to offer anjali. It does not make a difference to me because I am not religious that way, but such discriminations are archaic and are based on vague dictums of religious texts which have a perpetual male bias.  For those who regard the anjali with religious fervour, it is grossly unfair to be denied assertion of their faith based on ideas rooted in ill-informed idiocy.

Sohini Biswas

I followed taboos during my periods until I gradually realised how silly they are! I do not hesitate to buy sanitary napkins anymore nor do I feel the need to cover or hide them. We do not hide toilet paper, why pads then? It does not bother me if there is a blood stain on my pyjama. A pad fell out of my bag in front of a male friend once. Instead of panicking, I picked it up normally like I would any other thing that fell out of my bag. Periods are healthy and natural.  There is nothing to 'whisper' about it.

Oendrila De

Breaking the taboo regarding menstruation is not about the right to “Instagram” a woman’s stained sheets or abolish toilet walls. For something natural, a woman is ostracized, prevented from sleeping on her bed, and kept from praying. Innumerable women are ashamed of discussing their menstrual pains, which could be signs of severe health problems, like hormonal dysfunctions, cyst, etc. Unhealthy and unhygienic practices percolate from one generation to the other among uninformed, uneducated women because they’re ashamed to learn about it. A woman may or may not feel comfortable discussing her menstrual cycle openly. But the archaic attitude needs to change, for her health’s sake.

Sharmistha Guha Chowdhury

A menstruating woman doesn’t anger God! A woman who is menstruating is going through a natural biological process of her body. Many women feel hesitant to ask their male acquaintances to buy sanitary napkins for them. Why such shame? The sales person at the local store always gives you a look when you ask for napkins. It is like you have asked for a BOMB. Then he wraps it in a piece of paper and puts it in a black plastic bag. Save the extra work. There is no need for it. 

Swarnali Biswas

The use of two words in Bengali "shorir kharap" meaning illness is used for menstruation. It exposes the deep-seated taboo surrounding it. I too used to refer to it like that without realising that it happens to every woman and is normal and healthy!  I used to be tensed and worried if I had blood stains on my clothes.  I felt the need to hide. Nowadays, I consciously tell the shop keeper to not cover my sanitary pads because there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of. It is neither impure nor an illness.

Mahashweta Paul

Every time you ask for sanitary pads at a medical store, they wrap it in newspaper as quickly as they get it off the shelf and put it in a bag. This has always seemed strange to me and for some reason it irritated the hell out of me! Pads are hidden away as if they are used for a 'dirty' purpose. So, one day I asked the man at the counter to just give me a pack without wrapping it. He got the message. It has been a couple of years now and he does not wrap them anymore. Not even for the other ladies.

Malabi Ghosh

Dear patriarchy, we bleed to let you live. Our menstrual blood is way more powerful than your knight’s red chivalry. To you blood is death, to us blood is life. Your successor is born because we menstruate. So, stop being ridiculous, stop stigmatising the stain of life.

Thank you Sayantani for helping me edit this photo-essay, especially on such short notice back then. Lots of mint cocktail loves. :D

Women In Leadership

So, I talk about equal opportunity and equal rights quite often on this blog and my other social media channels. I have identified as a feminist ever since I was in school. Feminism is a cool word now. Just look around and see how many mainstream channels are adopting it to sell their products now. It is also deemed a dirty word and many like to stay away from it because some people just have a severely misinformed notion about it. Many of these mainstream channels, which are often misguided in their knowledge, help in fanning such wrong notions. Feminism is not about man-hating. Feminism in fact fights for equality and justice among all genders. Men are expected to be a certain way, and do certain things in this patriarchal society which is often detrimental to their mental and physical health. A society cannot function well when any of the genders suffer. Today feminism is largely about intersectionality as well.

via

I have heard a lot of arguments from people (some level headed, some just fizzled down to name calling) who believe all the bad things about feminism. From what I understood every time, these people are either misinformed or talking about personal experiences with the faux-feminists. The faux-feminists are the ones who love shouting "equal rights" without caring to understand the actual meaning. But, I do not understand, why form your opinion about an entire movement that has done so much good (and still is doing so)  based on your personal experience with a certain bad egg? If you are a religious person, would you change your opinion about it and God in general just because that one time a holy man was accused of raping women and little boys? Would you stop believing in religion because some people choose to completely twist the holy words and use it to unleash terror in the world?

Feminism is the reason women got the right to be deemed as human beings with rational thoughts. We got the right to vote, to property. And all this culminated into a world where seeing a woman in a leadership position is a possibility. Women have reached the top in almost every field. The situation is not so good in some countries. Women have an amazingly strong support system now all across the globe. There are entrepreneurs who have successfully started their own ventures from their very own homes and gone big. Social media has helped such ventures like it couldn't be imagined before. I can count myself as one such person. I own a website and my words reach out to so many people, all thanks to social media. But, even today jokes about women leaders persist. Stereotypes about women leaders still need to be crushed. If you believe feminism is not necessary in today's world any more, to create a space for women leaders then just head over to this blog to read about Shit People Say to Women Directors.We need to fight for a tomorrow where women do not need to exist through patriarchal bargaining or suffering or unjust name calling. 

I teamed up with SheThePeople who are running a contest where you can share your own stories and opinion pieces that revolve around the theme of #EveryWomanIsALeader. Enter to win an all expenses paid trip to an exciting destination. Check out the simple guidelines *here*.

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L'oreal Paris Skin Perfect Expert Skin Care Range Review

L'oreal Paris India, sent over their recently launched range of Skin Perfect Skin Care Range (20+, 30+, 40+) almost a month ago. But, as you guys know we were busy redoing the whole blog and every scheduled post got delayed. I just had to get the blog makeover out of my system first. Well good thing is that I got to use the product for almost a month before reviewing it for you. I have been using the 20+ cream and will be reviewing it in a subsequent post.

Essentially, each cream in this range is personalised to deal with the specific skin related issues we face at different decades of our lives. Each cream is equipped to give visible results within 4 weeks of use. The superior Vitamin 3x Technology used in this range will help fortify and replenish the vitality of your skin and give you healthy looking skin. Each product comes in 18gm tube form as well as 50gm cream tubs.

Age 20+ is a day cream which is accompanied with a cleansing foam. It has perlite which effects the complexion of the skin and makes it lighter, and salicylic acid that helps keep pimples and acne at bay. Priced at - INR99 for 18gm tube, INR325 for 50gm tub, INR105 for cleanser. 

Primary purpose - Anti-Imperfections+Whitening.

Age 30+ is a moisturising cream which is accompanied with a cleansing foam. It contains collagen to combat with fine lines that start appearing in your thirties. Priced at - INR149 for 18gm tube, INR425 for 50gm tub, INR135 for cleanser. 

Primary purpose - Anti-Fine Line+Whitening.

Age 40+ helps with the skin problems caused by ageing. It is packed with Pro-Retinol A which helps combat wrinkles and revitalises the skin. Priced at - INR595 for 50gm tub. 

Primary purpose - Anti-Ageing+Whitening.

My Thoughts

I am really bad at maintaining a skin care routine. I start enthusiastically, but then I stop after a few days. But, I like using creams that gives my skin a non-zombie appearance before leaving the house. So, BB creams and day cream types are right up my alley. My mother has gorgeous skin even post 50, with just minor fine lines here and there. And all the good features my parents have had me convinced when I was a kid, that I must have been adopted. Coming to the product at hand. These pots are simply designed. The tubs are made of glass with simple golden plastic lids. You can always use the tube versions first for trial purposes. I do find the fact that all of these creams are tagged "whitening" as potentially problematic. But, then again plenty of products in the Indian market are tagged the same to cater to the fair skin obsession of Indians. However, the Age 20+ cream has been a good enough day cream so far. It gives a light sheen to my face. And I quite like the slightly floral smell it has. More about that in a detailed review will be coming up shortly.

If you wish to contribute to the relief funds for the Nepal earthquake then please click *here*
 We are praying for those who lost their lives in today's tragedy.

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Fringed Kimono

This is the kimono I got from Dressin. I wrote about them *here*. I have fancied owning a kimono cardigan for a while. Kimonos tend to make me look bulkier. But, I decided it's high time I just got one. 

There are a lot of rules for dressing up a woman's body. The rules are more restrictive for fat bodies. The clothing, according to mainstream fashion dictats, should not be too revealing and neither should it be too misshapen/oversized. One runs the risk of exposing fat rolls with revealing clothes, and god forbid anyone sees those. The horror that would unleash, right? *yawns with sarcasm* And clothing that makes you look bulkier is also a complete no-no. Because, God forbid if we look fatter than what we already are!
So, I gave up my inhibitions and wore the kimono in all it's glory. It was too damn hot that day so I had to keep my outfit simple. But, nothing really beats the blue jeans and white tee combo. I got these round sunglasses for just a 100 INR. Well it was a gift. I am on my way to owning a collection that will soon consist of nothing but round sunglasses. 

The thing is, the grunge loving bohemian heart of mine loves unironed, oversized clothing. There is a lot of appeal in asymmetric and deconstructed clothing. These design details can make even the simplest of clothes highly interesting. Probably why I am such a fan of Yohji Yamamoto's designs.

Photos c/o - Anupriya DG

Fringe Kimono Cape - c/o Dressin
And this is the pullover I got, but the size being a bit too small I gave it away to a sister of mine - Paris Eiffel Tower Pullover

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Don't You Honey Me

Terms of endearment. Such a misnomer. They have always made me cringe. I am an Indian, so being called sweetheart, dear, honey, by our parents was not a common thing growing up. These words are, just like plenty of other things, a foreign export. I have nothing against Western concepts being assimilated into our society. Mutual exchange of customs has always been a norm. And globalisation has only helped speed the process. The more we are alike in terms of the good things, the better. The world will be a better place. No, we won't lose our identities if we let go of some of our more backward traditions. Negatives do not define us. Positives do. But, when we are exporting certain cultural things from anywhere in the world, we are also exporting the history associated with them. Nothing really exists without precedence. I am simply tired of reminding people that I do not like being called "dear" and "honey". There even exists a Bengali term of endearment that is spoken with the same tone of faux familiarity and a hint of condescension as these English words. That famous term is "babu". Older people calling me that is fine (does that make me a practitioner of ageism somehow?). But, really when a peer calls me that it's an absolute no-no. Terms of endearment are mostly used by people who tend to habitually use them while talking to pretty much everyone they know. I once knew a girl (who is happily married now) in my UG class who said the word "babu" so often, she once called a professor that, by mistake of course. You get the picture right? If a loved one, in a truly endearing way calls me any of these terms, I will still cringe because of my past and ongoing experience with these words. They all seem seeped in dubious hypocrisy and insincere candour. They try to forge a forced bond of familiarity between the speaker and the one spoken to, no matter whether their encounter lasts 5 minutes or continues sporadically over decades. 

I have been trying to find out if my sentiments are echoed around the world or if there is just something wrong with me. I have compiled a list of articles you might be interested in reading on this issue and gain some perspective.

1. DON’T Call Me Dear!
2. Don't patronise me, Darling
3. Frankly, my dear: Why Terms of Endearment are Not Ok
4. I'm not your honey, darling, sweetheart, dear, ducky, or any other diminutive creature

Don't forget to share your thoughts on this.

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Sunny Love

All remnants of any sort of chilliness is gone from the wind. It is officially spring. But, you can feel the buzz of summer right beneath the windowsills. Soon the temperatures will start soaring sky high and we will all end up complaining mercilessly about the sun. All I can do right now, is dream of another city, of a certain warmth that spreads from within and tingles the toes. Why? Because every single day life changes forever, never to return to what it was yesterday. And I feel like I need to rush ahead with it. But, I am someone who is always a pace behind.

Yellow Cardigan - c/o Vero Moda

Backpack - c/o Romwe

Lennon Sunglasses - c/o Firmoo

Anchor Print Palazzo Pants - B.K. Market

Platform Sandals - Street Shop

FlySongbird

I Will Hold On Hope

I love the sound of Mumford & Sons. If you haven't heard of them, then please do. Especially check out this song that I linked to. Even the video is just so charming. I have been listening to them for so long. But, only saw this delightful video after someone shared it with me a few days back. It is just the right dose of kooky that I love so much.

♫The Cave♫

Coming to the outfit, I should mention this is my first true outfit photoshoot that has been shot outdoors. I was so bored of photographing in my room (even though it serves as a lovely backdrop). Unlike other times I did not feel awkward posing for my photographer in such a public place. Is it age or comfort? I don't know. I am getting old, that much is for sure. I get back pains way too often. Then again my perennial craving for all things chocolate has increased even more. I refuse to believe that is a sign of ageing.  At 5'2" I console myself, saying I am average height. But, one thing I realised after looking at these photos is that I am painfully short. Given how dreamy and bohemian I feel just looking at the outfit, I think the photos go perfectly with that theme.

About the clothes - I love this crochet cardigan to death. I think it is the prettiest and most delicate thing I own. The polka dotted pants are from Romwe. At first they were quite a disappointment, because even though it was mentioned they are harem pants, they looked way more fitted on the website. But, I have come to love it. These are now my stylish pyjamas. I wore these to work this week and felt so effing cool thinking "Yay I am so cool, I wear pyajamas and sneakers to office!"
I had also done a pop art-ish eyeliner look with this which unfortunately was ruined by the time we got around to the shoot. I am planning on doing a tutorial sort of on that look soon.

bye bye birdies

Crochet Cardigan - c/o Sheinside

Polka Harem Pants - Romwe
Turquoise Necklace - Accessorize
Son of Man Ring - Quirky-me etsy store
Mary Jane Wedge Pumps - B.K. Market
Lip Colour - California Orange from Street Wear
Nail Colours - Apple Martini and White(doesn't have any name on the bottle) from Colorbar

 FlySongbird

How Are You Detoxing?

Okay, the festivities are finally over! We have almost 2 months till the Christmas/New Year binge has to begin again. But, for us Indians the period between Durga Puja till Bhai Dooj is the time when we gorge like monsters. Almost on a daily basis there is an array of ghee laden, sugar syrup injected sweet dishes lying around, lunch and dinner includes fish fries, dal, special sabjis, spicy mutton/chicken and pulavs and biryanis! Phew! I am sure half of you are already on a cleanse. I tried after Durga Puja was over with no success. Here are a few ways you can detox for 1-2 days before easing back to your normal daily dose of calorific intake:

This is the divine honey-lemon-ginger-tea I had while I was in Gangtok at Baker's Cafe

1. Start the day with green tea. I usually have green tea at least twice a day, sometimes when I feel sleepy after dinner and have to stay up to work I will knock down another cup. I try to veer away from milk and sugar in tea, and also I have stayed away from coffee for almost a year now.
2. Go on a 2 day juice/smoothie cleanse. Smoothies are much more filling because they still have the fibre from the fruits in it. I do not like chunky smoothies, I like them well blended. I make a whole batch for a day and keep sipping one glass at a time.If I get hungry towards the evening I usually make a salad with blanched spinach, mushrooms and any other light vegetables I have in the fridge at that point. My favourite smoothie making fruits-bananas, apples, any kind of citrus, grapes, mango. I also add a pinch of cinnamon powder, honey and a squirt of lime juice for flavour.
3. Have roti and sabji twice a day. I cut out on rice, potato, bread and butter on such days and avoid too much oil in my food. I am a meat lover so I need some protein(otherwise I get midnight bacon cravings). I stick with a small piece or two of chicken. Also there is a bowl of yogurt on my plate. If I get hungry between meals I will usually scramble an egg. This keeps me full and is what you need if you need to work and run around. No one does running around on juice, right? Except crazies.

 So, this is what I do. Some people just swear by lemon juice and honey in warm water every morning. What are your ways of detoxing?

 FlySongbird

 

5 Useful Travel Tips for the Budget Conscious

I have a love-hate relationship with my city, Calcutta. No, I do not like calling it Kolkata even though it has been officially changed thanks to the whimsies of the ruling political party leaders. I don't know if that is neocolonialism deeply embedded in my psyche that makes me think this way or just my preference with the more familiar, but it is the way it is. When I was growing up, I couldn't wait till I left this city forever to settle somewhere abroad. When I started weighing the pros and cons (aka when I was old enough to understand how much money matters) I realised the dream to live in some fancy destination is not really a true dream of mine, it is the dream of travelling the world then returning home that is truly mine. This city is known as the City of Joy. But, to me it does not represent this single emotion. How can it? I have lived in this city my whole life and every lane I have been to represents something different to me. More than anything else, it feels familiar. Not safe and secure, but even the presumed dangers here are familiar to me.

North Sikkim

I am not a seasoned traveller. But, I would love to travel the world on my own someday, one destination at a time, strictly on a budget. This year I took 3 short trips within India with my friends. The first one was a college trip to Lava and Lolegaon, the 2nd to Shantiniketan and the 3rd to Gangtok. These are a few things I think everyone needs to know about travelling alone, especially if you are on a budget. Do keep in mind there are a lot of other things you need to carry along, like medicines, lots of clean underwear and all your chargers(for your cameras, phones and other gadgets).

• Carry a small tube of toothpaste that can be stowed away in a small pocket in your handbag and can be accessed easily every morning. Do not throw away old containers of these small tubes. Just refill them from a bigger tube you keep at home before every trip. Hold the mouths of the tubes firmly together and squeeze it out of the bigger tube into the smaller one. You can always share a tube with your friends.
• Do not carry huge shampoo and conditioner bottles that you use at home. They will take up a lot of space and might come out of the bottle under pressure and ruin your clothes and other things. You do not want to spend on laundry which is usually expensive at any hotel. Carry sachets instead. They are easier to carry, cheaper and are disposable after use. Every hotel may not give shampoo bottles. 
• Carry disposable paper soaps to save space and for easy access. Every hotel usually provides a small soap, or you can buy them at your destination. But, while you are travelling on a train or a bus these will come in handy. I forgot them this time and had to make do with hand sanitizer, which is also a pretty useful thing to carry around while travelling.
• Trolley bags, if not rucksacks are the way to go if you want to run around between hotels, trains and buses. The 1st 2 trips I ignored the need because I travelled light. This time, between missed trains and running around the railway station for about 5 hours I realised how badly I needed to buy a trolley bag pronto. A rucksack might be too big for short trips. I had helpful travel-mates who shared the burden halfway through every time, but you may not always be so lucky. You don't want to hire a porter on a budget trip. And my bag felt heavier after each hour which made me desperately want to hire one this time.
• If you have bought e-tickets from the online website of IRCTC and are wait listed then do yourself a favour and either buy the tickets on tatkal or buy them from the ticket counter in person. This is a valuable lesson we learnt this time. Many of you may know that wait listed e-tickets get dropped on final charting. Of course I am writing this for the non-smartasses who do not  know this information. At least IRCTC will refund the money because we were on wait list. If you missed the train you would end up losing the money entirely. So, reach the station on time if you have reservation. We came back in an AC sleeper bus (which cost us a little more than the train would have) which was full of families who had met with a similar misfortune like us. The bus journey wasn't as bad as we had expected and would have in fact been a better experience if the bus reached Calcutta a little earlier. Do use the washrooms at every bus stop and try charging your phone at every stop if it is feasible.

Misty Mountains Cold-(yes I just referenced LOTR. I had thought of it while taking the photo only.)

Over all I have loved all my trips so far. India isn't safe enough for solo vacations for girls yet(although someday I would love to take a solo trip, but it might get lonely). It is always better to have someone watch your back. I learnt from my travel-mate, Anu how to be in zen mode when situations are completely out of control. I learnt I am a semi-good mimic and provide good enough entertainment even in such out-of-control situations. Here's hoping I get to travel more, to more beautiful places and to learn something new everywhere I go. Don't get discouraged by what others have to say. You don't need a lot of money for travelling, you don't need to have lived on your own to be independent enough to know your mind and you don't need to travel with a guy every time to watch over you for safety. Truth be told, I did not feel unsafe anywhere I went with these girls. We did get quizzical looks and some assumed we must be related.
Make your own memories and be unafraid to experience new things (unless it's something gag-worthy enough to make you super sick. After all, you do not want to spend your vacation in the bathroom or the local hospital).

With Anupriya DG and Soumi Paul in Gangtok

FlySongbird

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Remember this ♫Bobby McFerrin♫song?

I don't remember ever not worrying. The worries go away temporarily (especially when I am in the company of someone or when I am listening to weirdly upbeat songs) but, they bounce right back. Has this ever happened with you that you saw someone smiling and looking happy in a picture and wondered how they do it? They make it look so easy. They make moving on and living life happily look reasonably easy. I swear to you, the more someone is capable of detachment, it is more easy for them to be without constant worry.

FlySongbird

Clarity

I am having one of those rare moments of clarity. I know I am reading a good book I like when I have this urge to stop reading and immediately start writing. Writing something positive, and funny or at least a tiny bit sarcastic. I scratched the word 'good' because if 5 years spend to acquire 2 arts degrees, that are largely turning out to be useless in getting any appropriate jobs, taught me anything it's that art isn't good or bad. Any art is artist's expression of what they are thinking. How well it gets executed is whole another issue. I digress. I have had a mental block. A writer's block, if you want to call it that. Then my computer, like every other good thing in my life chose to die on me. It died so completely and with such utter finality that the computer fixer guy couldn't keep it breathing for even a few days. I am sitting in front of my sister's laptop in my old floral shorts bought for 50 bucks(that's like $1) from some roadside vendor, a huge shirt my dad got free with his Wrangler jeans and 3 day old un-watered messy bun thinking how I can own it all. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, not that I am not spending my time over thinking some thing or the other on any given day, this is special. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be. I am at an age where I have most friends settled in their jobs, some going back for further degrees, some biting the marriage stick and others spending nights blacked out after a lot of boozing. I am doing none of those things. I am still trying to figure out what I love doing and if I can pursue that as a career. Meanwhile I am trying to stay financially independent enough so that my parents don't question all my soul searching this year. Needless to say I laugh at those who say they have willpower because they stayed off shopping for a month or so. I am made of iron when it comes to budgeting nowadays. I am giving myself a year for long term clarity's sake. 

Hope you all have been doing well while I was away.

Clarity by debiparna-chakraborty

FlySongbird

I Touch You And You Turn To Dust

❝Will: At some point, Kalinda, you're going to have to confide in someone.  

Kalinda: No, I don't. You know what I discovered? I never have to confide in anyone.❞

~

The Good Wife

People will judge you no matter what you do or say.  They will place blame, make you doubt yourself, carve out a slice of your happiness and destroy it, but never will they acknowledge that they fell short as well. It will be easy to say that these people are taking the easy way out. But, life is not easy. Nothing in it is easy. People torture themselves in their own ways. You may think, if only you could explain, explain it all, and it would be perfect once again. But, trust once lost is hard to regain. You cannot tell them that, that won't make them see their own ways any clearer, it will drive them further away. It's better not to confide in anyone, not all the time anyway.
 
I hide wisdom and shattered dreams in my old wooden trunk.

Chiffon Floral Dress - (click to buy) Romwe
Boots - Catwalk
For the details on make-up click *here*

FlySongbird